Tonight’s Today, Today is Tonight.

I just discovered via an old session of NPR’s World Cafe a local London artist, Jack Penate, whose song, “Tonight’s Today,” is a perfect song for this evening.  Check out his performance, or you can listen to the song on its own on his MySpace site.

To clarify for those of you who may be living under a rock or just completely fucking oblivious, it’s New Year’s Eve.  New Year’s Eve/Day is my favourite holiday because of the promise of a fresh start.  Yes, I am pretty fucking naive, but really, my little heart has thrilled at New Year’s anticipation since I was a child.  I remember trying to stay awake as a little kid in Japan, listening to temple bells ringing in the distance, struggling to keep my eyes open despite slipping into sleep.  I remember my mother and I would throw change around the house in hopes of good money luck.  I remember being in the middle of Silom Soi 4 in Bangkok, listening to The Rolling Stones two New Year’s in a row with an old boyfriend of mine on WPRK, and celebrating with Mike, Marie and Clark at Peacock Room for 2009.

If you had a bad year, you can look upon the new year with hope, or at least with the relief that “god, that shit year’s over” and you can make resolutions for better things.  If you had an amazing year, then hooray, you can celebrate the end of a great year and look forward to a continuation of good times.

This year for me involved a lot of trials and patience, a lot of change and the feeling of not belonging here nor there.  Although that might sound depressing, I think I’ve never really “belonged” anywhere.  This search for belonging has sort of dominated my existence; it has been a hole inside I’ve been unable to fill, no matter the environs I find myself in.  Maybe I need to stop trying to fill the hole, but instead embrace it as a part of me.  A ghostly little part, but a part nonetheless that needs love as well.

With the Naughts nearly over, that means there’s a whole new decade upon us to fumble through.  And fumble through it we must, and though we may falter, in the end, I hope we can all find our time to be ferocious, to seize the moment, to hold our respective “nows” in our hands and say, “Yes, this is my time.”

If you’d like for pointers in how to take 2010 into your hands, have a look at what Mark Vernon has to say on The School of Life’s blog.  I wish all of you reading this a Happy New Year.  After drinking a third of a bottle of Spanish wine, I hope to make it down to the Thames to catch the fireworks display to celebrate the new year and the new decade properly.

Is 2010 ready for me?  Let’s find out together.

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